Have you ever walked out of the draft room wondering, “What the heck just happened?” You managed to draft three tight ends, you selected a defense in the fifth round, and for some reason you picked up a rookie running back that you weren’t even aware of until one of your buddies started talking to you about him just before the draft! Somewhere in the chaos you drifted from your strategy. You broke your own cardinal rules. You lost your mind. What happened!? It is possible that you suffered from Acute Draft Anxiety Disorder, also know as A-DAD for short.
Often times there are no warning signs for Acute Draft Anxiety Disorder as it comes on suddenly, but common symptoms include nervousness, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, hyperventilating, sweating, and shaking. More specific symptoms that hallmark A-DAD include: outbursts of shouting and anger when the player you want is drafted by another manager, boasting about drafting a “sleeper” three rounds too early while bashing the next manager for doing the same, drafting two defenses, forgetting that the league your in utilizes PPR scoring, computer freezes just before it’s your turn to draft, episodes of hysterical and delusional euphoria thinking you have the best team ever drafted followed by sobbing and deep hopeless depression thinking you have the worst team ever, amnesia that lasts 90 seconds (the exact time you were given to draft your next player), drafting half your players with the same bye week, drafting players who acquire season ending injuries before the season starts, and bowel incontinence.
If you have experienced any or all of these symptoms, than you too may suffer from A-DAD. While the American Psychological Association has not yet acknowledged Acute Draft Anxiety Disorder as an actual mental condition, it is very, very real. Just ask the millions of people who experience the severe, nearly life threatening, condition every year.
In order to help raise awareness and bring healing to those who suffer with A-DAD we are proud to announce the creation of The Foundation for Acute Draft Anxiety Disorder. A-DAD is a unique disorder with a known cure – quit playing fantasy football. The founders and most sufferers, however, agree that the cure is not an answer and that is why The Foundation for Acute Draft Anxiety Disorder is choosing to “Fight Against the Cure.”
The Foundation’s aim is to bring awareness and support for those who choose to fight. We believe in the power of advertising, media, and cool t-shirts. That is why we are now offering our readers a chance to get in the fight and support those who suffer from A-DAD. If you would like to help bring awareness to your own league and look cool while doing it, please considering purchasing the t-shirt below.
*Please send $25 through Google Wallet to firstname.lastname@example.org and include in the memo white t-shirt or black t-shirt style, your t-shirt size, and mailing address and we will send your shirt accordingly.